Don't worry...

This is a posting of a letter I wrote to our preschool parents a few months ago. I thought it would be nice to include here so that it is accessible, should anyone want to reference it or reread it, or in case anyone new stops by!

I was talking with Miss Chris 9our director) the other day, reminiscing about when my own children were here at Christ Lutheran Preschool. I was laughing about the things that used to worry me and concern me, and the perspective I have now… now that my kids are getting a little bit older, now that I have made it through the preschool years, and even have a kid in high school, now that I work at Christ Lutheran and I see “behind the scenes.”

She asked me to write this letter to you, because she thinks it may help one or two of you to see what is waiting for you down the road.

I remember distinctly the day I registered my first child at Christ Lutheran Preschool. That morning, I woke up early and I wanted to make sure I got to school early enough that I got a jump on securing a spot (I had been nervous for two years that we would end up on the waiting list). What I remember most of all was planning to put my daughter in her cute make-a-good-first-impression outfit at justthelastminute so she wouldn’t spill on it, and making sure the three-week-old baby would be fed and changed at justthelastminute so he wouldn’t spill on me. But then, when her pigtails just would. not. come. out. even. it was enough to make this postpartum, overly hormonal mama cry. We were going to be late, she wasn’t going to look cute, and we would never get in.

But she did get in (and I’m quite sure nobody noticed her outfit or her pigtails). And then I worried some more. Would she say please and thank-you? Would she learn to add and to read and to count backwards from 100? Would the other kids be nice to her? Would she make an impression? Would she be at the top of her class? Would they teach her enough? Would they see that she knows her letters and she is starting to read tiny words? Would they develop that? Would they see all the wonderful things about her that I saw? Would the teachers see how brilliant and lovable and imaginative and good she is? And would they love her enough and appreciate her enough?

And when my youngest started, I worried about all different things. Would he keep up? Would he ever learn his letters and numbers? Would he gravitate towards good kids? Would the teachers see that he doesn’t hold a pencil correctly and he can’t cut and he hates to do art? Would they make sure he got those basic skills? Would they see that he can only find his name on his carpet square by waiting until it’s the only one left? Would they realize he can’t answer academic questions unless someone else shouts out the answer first? Would they see how funny and creative and thoughtful and kind he is? And would they love him enough and appreciate him enough?

My middle child brought his own slew of worries to me… a combination of many of the same things as the other two, but throw potty training concerns into the mix.  It’s a tough time for us parents. There is no guidebook, no set of rules, and rarely any direct feedback to tell us if we are doing the right thing. Of course we worry.

But, wow, was I silly!

I worried about all the wrong things.

My daughter did learn to read before she got to kindergarten.

And it didn’t matter.

My youngest son did not learn to read before kindergarten.

And it didn’t matter.

Once I got my kids into elementary school, I realized that what they spend the kindergarten year learning is all those things I was worried about. They learn to count, to form their letters properly, to read. What the kindergarten teachers have time for in their day is language arts, math and social studies. They squeeze in science when they get through all that. What they don’t have time for is a child who can’t sit still, who disrupts their lessons, who fights with others, who grabs others’ pencils because she lost her own, who can’t zip his jacket. Those kids are sent to a seat far away, to wait and come back to the class “when they are ready.”

I quickly learned that my kids would learn everything they needed to know in elementary school. The teachers there make sure of that. They form reading groups, send kid to the specialists, make extra homework suggestions, review, and reteach, until the kids know the things.

What I didn’t learn until I was working at Christ Lutheran Preschool, was that here we make sure the kids know how to be. 

When my kids started here, I knew they were amazing. Just like yours are. I knew they were coming to school after a warm breakfast, a good night’s sleep. They were smart, and funny, and personable. They had been taught to say please and thank you, to cover their cough. I read to them all the time, we did crafts at home, we went to the zoo and the library and museums. In short, my kids were perfect in every way. Just like yours are!

Ha! Of course they weren’t perfect (and still aren’t). And, to put it gently, your kids aren’t perfect either.

THAT. That is why you bring them to preschool. They have so much to learn, to absorb, to develop. Every child comes to our school needing something. Some have not been around other kids much. Some have never been away from you. Some need to learn to share toys. Some need to learn not to interrupt. Some don’t handle frustration well. Some don’t have an “inside voice.” Others have delayed speech. Some kids just can’t sit still for 5 minutes. Some kids are naturally generous and patient and thoughtful, but can’t speak up for themselves. Others find that they can’t handle waiting for attention. Some don’t want to try painting because they can’t stand dirty hands. Others don’t want to try painting because they don’t want to stop playing with toys. Others don’t want to ever stop painting to come to circle time. Some kids hit, others yell, others cry. Some say “I won’t play with you!” Some say “I don’t have any friends.”

Remember my perfect children? I just knew that at our parent conferences, the teachers would gush about how amazing my daughter is. But of course that isn’t all there is about her. I learned that my oldest refused to help clean up the toys. She couldn’t sit still through circle time. She dropped her jacket wherever she was playing, and caused the teachers no small amount of stress looking for her lost things. And guess what? My next two children weren’t perfect either.

But that’s okay. Now that I work here, I know that all the children come in as… well, as preschoolers. And preschoolers have a lot to learn.

I assure you, we love your kids. As a matter of fact, we have chosen to dedicate our lives to it. It doesn’t matter if they know their letters or they can cut out a circle. It doesn’t matter if they can put on their own jacket or open their own string cheese. It doesn’t even matter if they remember to wait their turn or share the toys. We love them. We know them, and we appreciate them for who they are. And we plan to teach them all those things.

One of the most important reasons to have your child in preschool, and one of our most important jobs as a preschool, is to make sure that the children are learning appropriate social skills, appropriate behaviors, and to give them the tools they need to learn to get along with each other, cooperate, and negotiate their world. They need to know what it means to be a friend, a student, a team member, and an individual in our school, and outside of our school.

If you take a quick glance into our classrooms, you might think that the real “learning” happens at circle time, while singing songs, writing letters, listening to stories, or cutting shapes. But our job here is so much more than letters and numbers and shapes and patterns. It is more than cutting and writing proper letters and painting and coloring. Those things are so important, yes. They must learn all of that to move forward. But they are not everything. At age two and three and four, and even five, they are a small part of a very big and very complex picture.

Every minute of every day, we are teaching and the children are learning:

In the sand area, a child learns to share toys, to wait his turn, to cooperate with his friends, to imagine a scenario, to negotiate the terms of a pretend world with other friends, and how to effectively react when someone else isn’t cooperating.

While the class is lining up to walk from one area of our school to another, a child learns to wait patiently, to understand that only one person can be in the front of the line (and that her turn will come), to follow directions, and how to manage a case of the wiggles.

While sitting at circle time, a child learns not only themes, stories, songs, shapes, and counting. She learns to develop an attention span, to sit quietly, to listen to others, to express her thoughts, and to wait her turn. She gets to answer questions, and to ask questions. She learns, in other words, how to be a student.

On the grassy area, a child learns large motor skills. He tries out skipping, running, kicking a ball, catching it. He learns to share the ball and negotiate the terms of a soccer game. He learns to voice his opinion, to assert himself, and to work with a team. He will learn to win graciously, and to lose graciously.

At snack time, your child is learning to sit in her chair and use utensils. She is learning to say please and thank you. She is learning about what other people eat, and the things that can and can’t be said politely about others’ foods. She learns to clean up after herself, to check her face in a mirror, to remember to wash her hands.

If a child gets frustrated and yells at another child, reaches out to hit another child, or even shuns a child by saying “You can’t play with us, you’re not our friend,” we take that moment and help them learn. No incident is too small for intervention at this age. The children learn to stop, gain control of their emotions, use words, and discuss the problem. We make sure that they play inclusively, that they find ways to let others join their game, and that they are heard.

My children left their preschool years with a set of tools that has served them well ever since. Kindergarten was a breeze. There was still more to learn, of course, and new worries, and new friends, and new problems. But my kids were confident and had skills in listening, speaking, cooperating, and problem-solving.

And yours will too.

Miss Susan