pinching pennies

This is another reposting of a letter to our preschool community. I am posting some of our older letters so that you can access them any time. 

Dear Parents,

This week, I want to focus on something that came to me when I was on a hike with my middle child. We got up early one Sunday, and spent a couple of hours enjoying a beautiful morning adventure. At the end of the hike, just when I was thinking I’m tired, hot, and I can’t wait to take off my shoes, my son turned to me and said, “This was the best hike ever!” In my opinion, it wasn’t the VERY BEST HIKE EVER. It was a very lovely, very ordinary hike. But it got me thinking… why did he love this hike so much? And how can I get him to respond like that to everything!?

Before you think that my kids always turn to me with thanks and adoration for everything I do for them, let me tell you another story:

A few weeks ago, that same son and I both read the book The Martian. After we finished it, I took him out on a special date to see the movie. When we were driving home, I said “Thanks for reading a fun book! It was a special night for us, huh?” He replied “Yes, Mom! I really appreciate getting to do something special with just you and me! Thanks for making dinner early and getting everyone where they needed to be on time, so we could have this night!”

No. He didn’t say that. What he actually said was “Well, I wish the movie had been earlier. I’m really tired now.”

Ouch. That hurt. Especially since it wasn’t easy to arrange it all. I did have to run on 110% all day in order to get home from work, make the dinner, rearrange the practice carpool, and hustle everyone along to make sure homework was done so we could be free to go.

I was about to lay into him about how back when I was a kid, we walked both ways to the movie theater through the snow, and we liked it! But the truth is, when I was a kid, I didn’t appreciate things any more than my kids do now. Some children have a lot of empathy naturally in their disposition. And that’s amazing! Mine often don’t.

So, especially with Christmas coming, how do we get our children to appreciate more? If your house is like mine, there are probably way more things in it than you truly need. I can tell you right now that in my boys’ bedroom there are so many Legos that they couldn’t possibly build with them all, even with an entire year of playtime. My daughter’s craft supplies are probably sufficient to costume all of Broadway this season. We own equipment for almost any sport you can think of, and beach gear, and hiking gear, and camping gear, and the list goes on and on and is starting to embarrass me. And the kids aren’t the only guilty ones. My jewelry box is full, my closet is full, my kitchen cupboards are full, and my bookcase is full.

And it just isn’t stuff that we have, either. Our time is filled with sports practices, scout meetings, music lessons, school events, and outings with our friends.

However, all that stuff doesn’t always translate into a feeling of being fortunate.

So how do we instill an appreciation in our kids for the things we buy them or do for them?

I think one solution is to make them a part of the planning and the work and the money that is required for these things, as they come up.

A few years ago, two of my kids were learning about American symbols and landmarks in school. They came home telling me that the Washington Monument, White House, Capitol, and Vietnam Memorial are all in the same city, and all three kids wanted to go see them. I realized two things as they were talking: That it would be a really neat trip, and that it would be tough to plan and to fund.

I decided to make it a family project. I knew that the astronomical amount of money and advance panning this trip would require wouldn’t mean any more to them than cost of a new toy at Target or family tickets to a Dodger game. So how could I make them appreciate it?

First, we all went online together to research plane tickets, rental cars, and hotels. We estimated costs for food, admissions, and souvenirs. We added it all up, padded the total a little for incidentals, and had a budget!

The next thing was to make a chart with spots for stickers to track our savings. Once the sticker squares were all filled, we would be on our way! This chart was taped to the kitchen wall, and the kids never forgot whose turn it was to put the next sticker on the chart.

Now, how to save the money and fill the squares? The kids had lots of ideas. First, they hosted a bake sale, and lemonade stand, did pet-sitting, and took our cans and bottle to the recycling center instead of throwing them in the curbside bin.

All of this money went into the “Vacation Fund.” It grew ever. so. slowly. Then we had a learning moment one night, when the kids wanted to go to a restaurant fundraiser night for our school. We talked about the cost, and that the school would only get 15%, or about $7.50 from our $50 family dinner. We decided to donate $10 to the school, eat food already in our house, and put $40 in the vacation fund. It was also a great moment to explain that all groups they belong to, and all of their friends’ groups (like school, sports teams, scouts, churches, etc.) will need money and have fundraisers. We just can’t give to everyone who needs it, or to everyone who asks us, or even to every one we want to give to. We will have to pick and choose, forever.

Another thing that came out of this discussion was the fact that at a restaurant, we often spend $10-20 on just beverages. From that point forward, every time we ate out, we skipped sodas and put another $10 in the vacation fund. (win-win, eh?)

This was all great, but at the rate they were saving money, we might as well start walking to Washington DC. We’d get there just as fast. So my husband and I pitched in as well. We “found” little bits of money here and there. For Christmas, Grandma got the kids suitcases with some money inside, clipped to a note that said “for your vacation fund!” Some of the Easter eggs that year even had money for the vacation fund inside them.

We did finally get all the money we needed. The kids meanwhile had researched places we wanted to visit, and we made our schedule and purchased our tickets. It was a cause for celebration the night we purchased our plane tickets together, as a family (something that I would have likely done on my own if this wasn’t a family project).

That trip was amazing! Our family had a great time. We saw all the sights in Washington DC, spent the night on an Amish Farm, visited family, and even got to see the Dodgers play the Nationals. The kids were very thoughtful and careful about how they used the souvenir budget. They ordered waters all throughout the trip, and then had enough extra money to get ice cream treats! It was fun watching my son bargain with different t-shirt vendors, getting the one with the better color options to match the one with a better price. We had some complaining about long walking distances and hot weather, but overall the kids loved the trip, and our family had an amazing 10 days on the east coast.

It took 16 months for my family to save the money for this trip. I don’t suggest that you try something so industrious with preschoolers. Start smaller. If your child wants a particular toy, or day at Disneyland, or video game, let him or her earn it! (Our current “vacation fund” is working toward getting us on an Alaskan adventure. Check in with me in another 16 months to see our trip photos!)

Preschoolers can earn money, or points (if money doesn’t mean anything to them yet). They can earn a sticker for a chart, or a marble or scoop of sand to fill a jar. Let them place the marble or sticker or sand, so they can own their successes. Be prepared to help them out financially, especially if the item they need costs too much for them to save before they lose interest in the project. You can sneak some money into the pot, or agree to match their savings dollar for dollar. A friend of mine makes her kids pay for their own toys out of their own allowance savings, but then goes back and replaces the money later, unbeknownst to them.

Preschoolers can clear their own dishes from the table, wipe off counters, and dust. They can help fold laundry and even run the vacuum cleaner. (The vacuum was always my favorite chore for preschoolers. There is no way they can leave the area worse than they found it. And that is something.)

Chores aren’t the only option! Preschoolers can set up a lemonade stand. (No one can resist buying a 50 cent cup of lemonade from a three-year-old). (Disclaimer: Please don’t send your child out to the street corner without an adult.) They can help with a garage sale. They can help with pet sitting. They can make birthday cards for their grandparents (saving $3 and creating huge feelings at the same time!). They can also just earn points for trying a new food, saying thank-you without prompting, cleaning up their room, or brushing their teeth without complaining.

Whatever it is that your child wants, they can be involved in earning it. I find toys left laying on almost every floor of my house, because my kids don’t take care of them. We find things behind the bed, that the kids don’t remember they had, let alone miss them. I know they won’t always appreciate everything they get to have and to do, but they do appreciate the things they earned themselves. The Washington DC t-shirts that my boys chose and purchased themselves were their favorite thing to wear, long after they faded and were outgrown. We’ve been on other trips both before and since that one, but they don’t talk about them nearly as often or as fondly.

The other key component to helping kids appreciate things is to keep it simple. The hike that my son and I went on together was largely so much fun for him, because it was simple. We didn’t have to rush around and collect gear and rearrange schedules and hurry hurry hurry to go. It didn’t cost a thing, take any advance planning, or involve any sort of expectations. We just headed out, the two of us, and truly enjoyed the morning.

Your adventures and your toys can be simple. Think about how much fun your kids have playing with a box. Or a stick. Or mud. I’m not saying that those are the only toys you should have (of course). But your kids can have as much fun climbing a tree as they will assembling a Lego set. We loved our trip to Washington DC, and my kids do love their toys and their gear. But they also love the little things. And we all need the balance.

Enjoy your time with your kids. Enjoy picking out surprises for them and being spontaneous, but also enjoy making plans for them and working together toward a goal. It will mean so much more by the time the event or the item is earned. To both of you.

Miss Susan

Don't worry...

This is a posting of a letter I wrote to our preschool parents a few months ago. I thought it would be nice to include here so that it is accessible, should anyone want to reference it or reread it, or in case anyone new stops by!

I was talking with Miss Chris 9our director) the other day, reminiscing about when my own children were here at Christ Lutheran Preschool. I was laughing about the things that used to worry me and concern me, and the perspective I have now… now that my kids are getting a little bit older, now that I have made it through the preschool years, and even have a kid in high school, now that I work at Christ Lutheran and I see “behind the scenes.”

She asked me to write this letter to you, because she thinks it may help one or two of you to see what is waiting for you down the road.

I remember distinctly the day I registered my first child at Christ Lutheran Preschool. That morning, I woke up early and I wanted to make sure I got to school early enough that I got a jump on securing a spot (I had been nervous for two years that we would end up on the waiting list). What I remember most of all was planning to put my daughter in her cute make-a-good-first-impression outfit at justthelastminute so she wouldn’t spill on it, and making sure the three-week-old baby would be fed and changed at justthelastminute so he wouldn’t spill on me. But then, when her pigtails just would. not. come. out. even. it was enough to make this postpartum, overly hormonal mama cry. We were going to be late, she wasn’t going to look cute, and we would never get in.

But she did get in (and I’m quite sure nobody noticed her outfit or her pigtails). And then I worried some more. Would she say please and thank-you? Would she learn to add and to read and to count backwards from 100? Would the other kids be nice to her? Would she make an impression? Would she be at the top of her class? Would they teach her enough? Would they see that she knows her letters and she is starting to read tiny words? Would they develop that? Would they see all the wonderful things about her that I saw? Would the teachers see how brilliant and lovable and imaginative and good she is? And would they love her enough and appreciate her enough?

And when my youngest started, I worried about all different things. Would he keep up? Would he ever learn his letters and numbers? Would he gravitate towards good kids? Would the teachers see that he doesn’t hold a pencil correctly and he can’t cut and he hates to do art? Would they make sure he got those basic skills? Would they see that he can only find his name on his carpet square by waiting until it’s the only one left? Would they realize he can’t answer academic questions unless someone else shouts out the answer first? Would they see how funny and creative and thoughtful and kind he is? And would they love him enough and appreciate him enough?

My middle child brought his own slew of worries to me… a combination of many of the same things as the other two, but throw potty training concerns into the mix.  It’s a tough time for us parents. There is no guidebook, no set of rules, and rarely any direct feedback to tell us if we are doing the right thing. Of course we worry.

But, wow, was I silly!

I worried about all the wrong things.

My daughter did learn to read before she got to kindergarten.

And it didn’t matter.

My youngest son did not learn to read before kindergarten.

And it didn’t matter.

Once I got my kids into elementary school, I realized that what they spend the kindergarten year learning is all those things I was worried about. They learn to count, to form their letters properly, to read. What the kindergarten teachers have time for in their day is language arts, math and social studies. They squeeze in science when they get through all that. What they don’t have time for is a child who can’t sit still, who disrupts their lessons, who fights with others, who grabs others’ pencils because she lost her own, who can’t zip his jacket. Those kids are sent to a seat far away, to wait and come back to the class “when they are ready.”

I quickly learned that my kids would learn everything they needed to know in elementary school. The teachers there make sure of that. They form reading groups, send kid to the specialists, make extra homework suggestions, review, and reteach, until the kids know the things.

What I didn’t learn until I was working at Christ Lutheran Preschool, was that here we make sure the kids know how to be. 

When my kids started here, I knew they were amazing. Just like yours are. I knew they were coming to school after a warm breakfast, a good night’s sleep. They were smart, and funny, and personable. They had been taught to say please and thank you, to cover their cough. I read to them all the time, we did crafts at home, we went to the zoo and the library and museums. In short, my kids were perfect in every way. Just like yours are!

Ha! Of course they weren’t perfect (and still aren’t). And, to put it gently, your kids aren’t perfect either.

THAT. That is why you bring them to preschool. They have so much to learn, to absorb, to develop. Every child comes to our school needing something. Some have not been around other kids much. Some have never been away from you. Some need to learn to share toys. Some need to learn not to interrupt. Some don’t handle frustration well. Some don’t have an “inside voice.” Others have delayed speech. Some kids just can’t sit still for 5 minutes. Some kids are naturally generous and patient and thoughtful, but can’t speak up for themselves. Others find that they can’t handle waiting for attention. Some don’t want to try painting because they can’t stand dirty hands. Others don’t want to try painting because they don’t want to stop playing with toys. Others don’t want to ever stop painting to come to circle time. Some kids hit, others yell, others cry. Some say “I won’t play with you!” Some say “I don’t have any friends.”

Remember my perfect children? I just knew that at our parent conferences, the teachers would gush about how amazing my daughter is. But of course that isn’t all there is about her. I learned that my oldest refused to help clean up the toys. She couldn’t sit still through circle time. She dropped her jacket wherever she was playing, and caused the teachers no small amount of stress looking for her lost things. And guess what? My next two children weren’t perfect either.

But that’s okay. Now that I work here, I know that all the children come in as… well, as preschoolers. And preschoolers have a lot to learn.

I assure you, we love your kids. As a matter of fact, we have chosen to dedicate our lives to it. It doesn’t matter if they know their letters or they can cut out a circle. It doesn’t matter if they can put on their own jacket or open their own string cheese. It doesn’t even matter if they remember to wait their turn or share the toys. We love them. We know them, and we appreciate them for who they are. And we plan to teach them all those things.

One of the most important reasons to have your child in preschool, and one of our most important jobs as a preschool, is to make sure that the children are learning appropriate social skills, appropriate behaviors, and to give them the tools they need to learn to get along with each other, cooperate, and negotiate their world. They need to know what it means to be a friend, a student, a team member, and an individual in our school, and outside of our school.

If you take a quick glance into our classrooms, you might think that the real “learning” happens at circle time, while singing songs, writing letters, listening to stories, or cutting shapes. But our job here is so much more than letters and numbers and shapes and patterns. It is more than cutting and writing proper letters and painting and coloring. Those things are so important, yes. They must learn all of that to move forward. But they are not everything. At age two and three and four, and even five, they are a small part of a very big and very complex picture.

Every minute of every day, we are teaching and the children are learning:

In the sand area, a child learns to share toys, to wait his turn, to cooperate with his friends, to imagine a scenario, to negotiate the terms of a pretend world with other friends, and how to effectively react when someone else isn’t cooperating.

While the class is lining up to walk from one area of our school to another, a child learns to wait patiently, to understand that only one person can be in the front of the line (and that her turn will come), to follow directions, and how to manage a case of the wiggles.

While sitting at circle time, a child learns not only themes, stories, songs, shapes, and counting. She learns to develop an attention span, to sit quietly, to listen to others, to express her thoughts, and to wait her turn. She gets to answer questions, and to ask questions. She learns, in other words, how to be a student.

On the grassy area, a child learns large motor skills. He tries out skipping, running, kicking a ball, catching it. He learns to share the ball and negotiate the terms of a soccer game. He learns to voice his opinion, to assert himself, and to work with a team. He will learn to win graciously, and to lose graciously.

At snack time, your child is learning to sit in her chair and use utensils. She is learning to say please and thank you. She is learning about what other people eat, and the things that can and can’t be said politely about others’ foods. She learns to clean up after herself, to check her face in a mirror, to remember to wash her hands.

If a child gets frustrated and yells at another child, reaches out to hit another child, or even shuns a child by saying “You can’t play with us, you’re not our friend,” we take that moment and help them learn. No incident is too small for intervention at this age. The children learn to stop, gain control of their emotions, use words, and discuss the problem. We make sure that they play inclusively, that they find ways to let others join their game, and that they are heard.

My children left their preschool years with a set of tools that has served them well ever since. Kindergarten was a breeze. There was still more to learn, of course, and new worries, and new friends, and new problems. But my kids were confident and had skills in listening, speaking, cooperating, and problem-solving.

And yours will too.

Miss Susan

Playtime in the cold north!

We are excited to share some news with you! Christ Lutheran Preschool, always striving to do what we truly believe is best for children, is taking advantage of an opportunity to get a worldwide approach to preschoolers: how they develop, and how they learn.  Miss Chris (our director) and I are going to attend a week-long conference that will bring together early childhood educators from around the world, to share and learn from experts in the field, from one another, and even from preschoolers themselves. All of the teachers and directors attending this conference share two things: One is that we truly believe in the importance of play and play-based learning for preschool-aged children. The other is that we know that we can all benefit from sharing ideas, gaining insight, and learning from others, how best to lead our children as they learn, grow, and develop in appropriate ways.

At this conference we will be immersed in the preschool setting in Iceland, a nation that is a frontrunner in the concept of play-based education. Iceland is known for its forward-thinking educational philosophy, and its global success rate in education. The national policy in Iceland is that preschool-aged children learn through play, and that play time can be used both as a goal itself, and as a means to achieving other educational goals. This is based on the concept that early childhood is the most important time for brain development, when children start building brain connections. The job of the preschool is to coordinate activities that allow the children to play, interact, grow, and learn, through open-ended play, risk taking, and communication. This aligns very well with what we try to do at Christ Lutheran Preschool. The Play Iceland conference is an amazing chance to learn more about what exactly their national policy of “education through play” looks like in real life. It is a unique opportunity to see how, in daily practice, schools and teachers allow for play, and how they use play to teach. It will allow us to see the practical ins and outs of what play and learning look like in a real setting, with real children. It will allow us to refresh and renew our belief in supporting the right for children to be little, to play… for they will grow up soon enough. 

The other component of the conference is getting to coordinate with other teachers and directors from all over the United States and other countries. We will listen to world-renowned speakers in the field of early childhood education, and learn more about the child development, play, and learning. This opportunity to collaborate with other teachers who are as passionate about preschoolers, the importance of play, and child development as we are will allow us to learn about their schools and their policies and practices. It will give us a chance to compare notes, get ideas, and develop our own thoughts after bouncing them off of each other. As the conference leaders state, the purpose of this international format is to “open discussion and debate about our practice and the work we do on a broader platform. … it’s about sharing our worldwide experiences, encouraging ourselves and each other as to the value and importance of the work we are undertaking.”

We are certain that this week of experiencing children in their own natural preschool setting, watching teachers who work in a setting where they are instructed and required (by national policy) to allow for play-based learning and supported (by general public philosophy), will allow us to see what children can and do experience in other places. It will allow us to learn new policies, evaluate our own practices, and gain knowledge.

We also plan to make many connections at this conference. We are already engaged in conversations with our fellow conference attendees. We have researched and read about the speakers and leaders of this event. Their philosophies align so well with our own, and we are excited to connect with them, ask questions, and learn. As a well-respected preschool in our own community, we are excited to show and teach others about what we do so well. It is going to be amazing to engage and connect directly with them for the week, and it will be a fantastic resource to us when we continue the conversations after we return. We hope to invite these international leaders in our field to come to our community and lead our staff and parents in learning and practicing the concepts of letting children explore, create, and learn through their play and their experiences.

We appreciate the preschool board for seeing the importance of this trip, and encouraging us to attend!

Strawberry Jammin'

One thing I love about children is their ability to turn anything into an adventure. While I do love cooking, I admit it is a whole different experience with children. It is such a great way for them to learn (mixing, measuring, following directions, being PATIENT!). It is also a great way to spend time together, and sometimes it even encourages kids to try new foods. My kids definitely like eating things that they helped make. Finally, it is a great lesson for me in learning to be PATIENT!

There is an art to making food beautiful. Some people know how to arrange a plate just-so. They know how to combine colors and textures, portion sizes and ratios.  I have never been to any sort of culinary school... as a matter of fact, I haven't even taken a single cooking class (although I would LOVE TO). I believe, though, that there are courses just on plating the food. It is definitely an art form.

And then there are those who can bake beautiful creations. They not only bake a level, beautiful cake or cookies, they are then able to frost it smooth, without a wrinkle or drip. On top of that, they know how to make it beautiful, with just the right amount and combination of color, decoration, shape, texture. Those people are simply amazing, and occupy a space in my esteem where I will admire, but probably never aspire to join their class of artistry. I just don't think it is in my skill-set.

As for me, I try to make things that will nourish my family and keep us healthy and growing. I'm not one that can make things beautiful, but I do like to try to purchase only whole ingredients (not pre-made foods like baked goods or frozen meals). I like to know exactly what is in the foods I serve my family. It's a goal I keep working on, although I do admit that I rely on convenience foods sometimes.  At any rate, I am not skilled at making things gorgeous. I concentrate more on healthy and appealing to kids' tastes.

One thing I do try to do is bake my own bread (in a bread machine! I'm not that dedicated!), purchase natural, one-ingredient peanut butter, and make my own jam. PB&J sandwiches are so much a staple in my home that my youngest child calls them "dailies." As in, "Mom, can I please have a daily?" In other words, we go through a LOT of bread, peanut butter, and jam. I have found that the jam really isn't hard to make, and once you make a batch and seal the jars, it can be kept for a long time.

I was in Oxnard the other day. If you aren't from Southern California, let me give you a little background. Oxnard has traditionally been a manufacturing and agricultural center in California. Which means that it is largely populated by laborers from both factories and farms. In other words, its a working town, not a vacation destination. In the mid-2000's, the city decided to get ahold of its growing gang problem and invest in development. Suddenly, people began to notice that Oxnard, despite its name, is actually a beautiful location. It's hard not to be, only about 30 miles or so down the beach from Santa Barbara. Lately it has gained some beautiful neighborhoods and commercial areas, and is becoming a destination for relaxing beach weekends and wonderful retirement homes.

At any rate, there is still plenty of agriculture surrounding Oxnard, and it is considered to be the main supplier of strawberries and lima beans in the state of California. While I won't hold the lima beans against Oxnard, I will luxuriate in the strawberries.

It has been gloriously hot the past few days, and all of this early summertime means that the strawberries are ripe for the picking. I stopped at a farm stand to pick up a half-flat of the freshly ripened berries, and now I wish I had gone for the whole flat. After letting the kids have their fill, I made a batch of strawberry jam, and there are only a couple left! Oxnard is a bit too far for me to drive just to get berries, (I calculate that the 50 miles each way must take about $732 in current gas prices). 

I went ahead and made my jam using pectin. I know the world is divided into two types of people:
Those who add pectin to their jam, those who feel adding pectin isn't authentic, and those who buy their jam already made.  Pectin is a natural ingredient, derived from apples, that helps the jam to set, which decreases cooking time. The way I see it, using pectin isn't that different than using a stove hooked up to a gas line. Both methods have been developed since my great-grandmother made her jam, and both help out a lot in the kitchen. If it tastes good and helps with consistent results, I'm all for it.

We very much enjoyed strawberry jam on our toast this morning. And now you can too:

Strawberry Jam

5 cups of mashed strawberries (about 7 cups whole)
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 packet pectin (available in the grocery store right next to the mason jars and lids)
7 cups sugar

1. Rinse and hull the strawberries.

2. Using a potato masher, mash enough strawberries to make 5 cups.

3. Mix together the strawberries, lemon juice and pectin in a large pot. Bring it all to a rolling boil (so that even while stirring, the mixture boils). Add the sugar, and bring it back to a rolling boil.  Continue to boil for one minute, scraping off the foam.

4. Ladle into hot jars (The jars need to be hot so that the glass doesn't crack when the hot jam is poured in.) Fill each jar to 1/4 inch from the top. Wipe the edges of the jar clean. Place a lid on each jar, and screw on the band until it is finger-tip tight. Place the jars into a large pot of water, and boil for 15 minutes. The water level needs to be 1-2 inches above the top of the jars. After 15 minutes, remove from the water using a jar lifter (or tongs). Let them sit, undisturbed for 12-24 hours. You will know if they are properly sealed if you press on the lid and it doesn't give at all.

5. Enjoy your strawberry jam! If properly sealed, it should be good for up to a year.