Thank you just isn't enough

As we come to the end of a school year, I was thinking about my own kids and their amazing teachers. In the elementary schools, it is pretty common for the room parent to organize a gift and to collect money from the rest of the parents in the class. The national PTA rules (or at least the way my school seems to be interpreting them) have developed to a point, though, that the room parent can’t accept cash, or checks. Contributions must be in the form of gifts or gift cards, and the card that accompanies the gift must include all the names of all of the children in the class, whether they contribute or not.

I think it is wonderful that the class will give a generous gift to the teacher. Both of my sons have teachers I adore, and that have gone above and beyond their duties this year, and both of them deserve the world and more. I will gladly contribute generous gift cards to their end-of-year gifts.

I know that the teachers might not receive anything, if it weren’t for the room parents organizing this. It is such a busy time of year, and it is easy to forget a little thank-you for everyone in your child’s life.

However, this group gift, while thoughtful usually quite generous, and very appreciated, seems to have become so impersonal! The teacher will receive a gift or gift basket or set of gift cards that she very much deserves. She won’t know which gift came from which child, though. The card that comes with the gift will be exactly like her class roster… all the kids’ names. It is generous and thoughtful, and I understand the reason for the rules, and I want to contribute. But I also want to do something more.

My youngest son is in fourth grade. His teacher is the only teacher, so far, who has had all three of my children in her class over the years. She is amazing. I have requested that she teach my second and third children, after seeing what she did when my first child was in her class. The other day I was volunteering in my son’s classroom, and the teacher mentioned that she had had a bad day recently. She said that when she’s having bad day, she gets out the letter that I wrote for her, five years ago, when my first child was finishing fourth grade in her class. She said she likes to re-read it whenever she needs a pick-me-up.

I had almost forgotten that I wrote the letter. My daughter switched schools between third and fourth grade, and she entered her new school nervous, timid, shy, and reluctant. Her teacher was one of those amazing people, who understood my daughter right away. She saw her strengths, she knew how to develop her weak areas, she made my daughter feel like she fit in before the first week was over. By the end of the year, my daughter was feeling confident, had great friends, had learned tons about writing, math, and all the other subjects. So, I wrote her a letter to say all that. I can’t remember any more what the exact details were, but it was more or less to thank her specifically for all the things she had done for my daughter and by extension, for our family, during that school year. The teacher had appreciated the letter so much that she has saved it for five years and still pulls it out to read now and then.

There are so many things that our children’s teachers do for them.

They teach the subject matter. (That’s their job description.)

They teach children to learn to get along, follow rules, and cooperate. (That’s for their own sanity as much as anything else). 

But there is so much else that a teacher does in the course of a school year:

They wipe noses, wipe faces, tie shoes, and apply bandaids. (And plenty of TLC along with all of that). They take your child’s temperature, and even occasionally check for lice.

They counsel children who are having a sad or angry day. They usually know what is going on at home, and understand why the children might be upset, and how to help. They teach the children how to be good citizens, how to have good sportsmanship, and how to be fair. They also have to teach children that sometimes life isn’t fair, and that might be the hardest part of all.

They help us, as parents, to understand our own children better. They see a different side of our children than we see, and they help us to see it too. They give us parents perspective.

They help our children not only learn the topics, but they also help our children learn how to learn. They learn how to question, to explore, to wonder, to test, to think. They learn how to check their own work, to try again and again, to fight frustration and persevere.

Teachers spend countless hours outside of the school day. They plan lessons, review student progress, and think about what is going on in their classroom. They review what is working and what isn’t. They think about what the children aren’t quite getting, and what other ways they can try teaching it differently. They spend their time at the teacher supply store, the dollar store, and the grocery store, purchasing things you never thought of as educational tools. (Not to mention the money they spend). They spend time in faculty meetings, at conferences, and in classes. They spend their time on Pinterest and teacher forums, learning from each other and sharing with each other, because they know that together we can all do more than we can alone. And then they teach the children that they can do more together than they can do alone.

They answer to: the school principal or director, the parents, the children, and the requirements of the state standards. If they are in public school, they also answer to the superintendent, their team leader, their assistant principal.

They manage to interrupt their own lessons to get the children to assemblies, performances, picture day, PE, and extra curricular classes. They do so without a grimace or a sigh, because they support the development of the whole child, even though the part they are currently developing might be having to take a back seat. Again. 

They watch for signs of abuse and report anything that concerns them, but at the same time they try to make sure they are not prying into family matters, or pre-judging a child based on his home, or being biased.

Teachers help children catch up when they have been sick, or on vacation, or took a family day at Disneyland. They help the children make sure they aren’t behind, but they try to make sure they don’t feel stress about catching up.

They teach the parents. They help the parents understand children and appropriate developmental stages. They give advice and direction. They help parents who need help in raising their children.

For all of this, the teachers don’t really get paid much. They certainly don’t get paid what they deserve! And they are rarely appreciated in a way that is commensurate with what they give us and our children.

So let’s change that. I know we can’t pay our teachers a better salary on our own. (I wish we could). But what we can do is appreciate these people who have willingly taken a job in this field where the requirements are so hard and the pay so little.

Think honestly about what your child’s teacher has done for your child this year. Write them a very heartfelt letter. Let them know that you do see the things they do every day. Thank the teacher for all of their work. If they are in elementary school, send a copy of the letter to the principal as well. And if your child is in junior high or high school, be sure that you don’t forget those teachers. They are working just as hard, and they are often the most forgotten.

And when the room mom sends out that request for a gift contribution? Throw a little something in there too. Your teacher will likely spend it on school supplies, but she really deserves to treat herself.

Tonight I will sit down and write a note to each of my children’s teachers. The fourth-grade teacher will be getting a third letter from me, but somehow I don’t think she minds. The letter to the sixth grade teacher, who is running around like crazy getting ready for promotion, will be easy to write. And then there will be six more letters, to all of the high school teachers. Those will be a bit harder to do, because I don’t know them as well. But I have plenty to thank them for.

And so I challenge you: Write a heartfelt note to the teachers you appreciate. They might just save it in a special place for 5 years or more. It will mean more to them than you realize.