It's the First Day of School!

Dear Parents,

Let’s talk about something on the very near horizon…

The first day of school!

The first day of any school year is a big day! Whether it is kindergarten, fourth grade, freshman year of high school, or even college, saying goodbye and heading into a new classroom and meeting new friends and new teachers is a nervous, exciting, much anticipated, much-worried about event. (I’m thinking about both students and the parents here!) All of these feelings are probably even more true, and more exaggerated, when that first day is the first day of preschool.

How can we make it a successful and easy transition?

First, let’s think about what your child is going through. School is a new and different place than they have ever been before. They don’t know what to expect, and they don’t know what will be expected of them. As parents, we know that preschool is a low-stress, fun and happy place to be. But the children don’t know that yet. They simply know that they are going to have to say good-bye to mom and dad and be independent for a while. For some, this is the very first time they have ever done that. For others, they may have been apart from you, but for a short time period like church or a class at the gym. For yet others, they may have had babysitters or day care, but usually in a home and with few other children. The preschool that seems so small to us, with its miniature chairs, low tables, and tiny sinks seems enormous from someone who is only a couple of feet tall. The little class of 10 other kids seems sweet and fun to us, but to your child, there are 10 strangers in a room, and they are being asked to enter that room! The teacher, that you know has worked at the school forever and knows preschoolers like nobody else, is still a stranger to your child.

Soon enough, all of this will be second nature and fit like a comfortable glove to your child, but for now, keep in mind that it is new, big, and maybe even scary.

The best thing you can do for your child is to prepare them with as much information as you can. Tell them their teacher’s name and repeat it often. Remind them that you will be dropping them off to have fun, but that you will be back to pick them up in just exactly the same place you left them. Bring your child to our meet-the-teacher night. Show you child that you know and like the teachers at school, and they will understand that these new adults are friendly and can be trusted. Show your child exactly where his or her cubby is, which door is their classroom, and where the bathroom is. Let your child play with toys in his or her new classroom, to get comfortable in this new space. Let your child explore our outdoor area, and enjoy the space with them.

On the first day of school, do your best to keep things calm and happy. I know you will be stressed. I remember well my first day of dropping my kids off at Christ Lutheran Preschool. I still get nervous and jumpy on the first day of school for all of my kids, and they are now in fifth, 7^th, and 10^th grades! But TRY TRY TRY not to let your kids see how worried you are. You are only worried about how they are going to feel and adjust, but they don’t know that. They just sense your nerves and they know that if mom and dad are nervous, they probably should be too.

Wake up early enough that you have plenty of time to get ready without rushing. Pick out clothes the night before, and have a good breakfast. I know you want to take lots of pictures of the first day of school, and I don’t blame you! I love looking back at my kids’ first day photos. Some kids, though, are so nervous and don’t want to take pictures. Take a couple, but don’t worry about it. Some of my biggest stresses as a parent of preschoolers was wanting pictures to come out just right. I wanted perfect hair and perfect smiles to look back on. Honestly, looking back on their little nervous smiles is the best thing ever. But really I most treasure seeing how they felt and how they looked, rather than seeing a perfect portrait. Goodness knows my kids aren’t perfect, so prefect portraits really don’t capture them! Consider this too: You can get first day pictures at the end of the first day as well. By then, nerves are much calmer, you aren’t rushing, and you have a happy smile in your photos! Just don’t put yourself or your child in tears by forcing him or her to squint into the sunshine and take hundreds of pictures with various first-day signs that you found on Pinterest. No one needs to add that to their morning!

In everything you tell your child about school and what will happen, keep things positive. Your child really will have fun! Your child will meet new people and hear new stories and learn new songs and get to play with new toys and explore new spaces. Those are the things you should tell your child! Please don’t apologize for dropping them off. I cringe whenever I hear a parent tell a child “I am so sorry I have to leave. I will be back as soon as I can.”  That tells the child that you wish he or she wasn’t here and that you will rescue them from school as quickly as possible. That simply isn’t true! You are providing your child an amazing experience. You researched and got recommendations and chose this school. Your child is so fortunate to come to preschool, so keep that at the forefront of what you say about school!

When you get to school, tell you child that you will stay for a short while. You can walk them in, help them put away their share toy and snack, and remind him or her which cubby is theirs. Say hi to the teacher, and make sure your child knows where his or her teacher is on the playground. Remember, your child’s specific teacher is his or her safe place, and the teacher might seem hard to find to someone who is so little, and on such a big playground.

Then, stay for only a short while! Tell your child when it is 5 minutes before your departure, and then truly leave in 5 minutes. Remind him that you will pick up at the classroom door, give one last hug and kiss, and cheerfully say goodbye. Even if your child isn’t so cheerful, and even if your heart is cracking inside as you walk away from your baby, smile and act cheerful. Your child doesn’t need to worry about you on top of everything else!

Some kids will cry as you leave them. Some will do it on the first day only, some will do it for a few weeks, some won’t do it at all. All of this is normal. It helps to remember, though, that the sad thing is saying goodbye. Staying at school is not the sad thing. The kids really do have a wonderful time at our school. They just don’t like to say goodbye to mom and dad. Almost always, the kids who cry when you drop them off, are done crying within a few minutes. Once they recover from saying goodbye, they look around and see exciting things to do and to try. If you are worried, call the office later and ask how your child has recovered. But truly, trust that we know how to comfort sad kids, we are here to engage them in interesting activities, and there are plenty of things at our school to help your child focus on discovery and activity. We're pros at stopping tears and finding smiles. If your child doesn’t cry on the first day, keep in mind that he or she might start to cry after a few weeks. Some kids reach a point where they see that this process of saying goodbye is continuing, and they get to a point where that realization sinks in and they grow a little weary. This is normal too. My daughter was fine every day of her first year of preschool, and then cried when she started her second year. Your children are safe and happy at school, and this process is something most (but not all) kids go through.

Finally, be sure to be on time to pick up your child. Once school is over, all of the parents will be gathered around the classroom door. Your child will see all of the hugs and kisses and greetings that the other kids are getting, and they will be searching for you. Even if you are a minute late, imagine how long that minute would feel if you were the last child left without a parent.

My last request to you is this: Please please do not bribe your child to come to school. First of all, school is its own reward at this age! They have such a fun, wonderful time at school. Secondly, when you promise a reward, you are essentially saying “I know you don’t want to do this, but if you suffer through it, you will be compensated.” I hear parents saying “If you stay at school without crying, I will take you to get ice cream when I pick you up.” I even remember a parent who took her kids to the Disney Store every day after school for a new toy! I love taking my kids out for treats after school, but a treat is a treat, and not payment for doing their job. School is fun, and doesn’t need a reward.

Now, to talk about you, mom and dad. Saying goodbye isn’t easy. I know you are a little proud of your child, a little melancholy about saying goodbye, a little worried (okay, a lot worried) about how your child will fare at school, and how your child will behave at school, and perhaps a little relieved (dare we say elated?) to have a few hours to yourself. You are so normal! (and I can write pages and pages and pages about the range of feelings that a parent has within an hour, let alone on such a monumental occasion as starting preschool).  Take it easy on yourself. Don’t try to make the first day… or the first week, month, or year perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect child, a perfect childhood, or perfect parenting. You will kill yourself trying. Keep things simple… comfortable play clothes for your child, a nutritious snack, and a happy, loving, goodbye are the best things you can give your child for their first day of preschool. Once you walk away, let your tears come, jump for joy, or run home to clean as much house as possible while nobody leaves fingerprints and crumbs in your wake… that part is up to you.

See you on the first day… we’re ready for you!